MORE....are you really sure Doctor...more?????

August 24, 2010

Tomorrow I start another round of Physical Therapy, this time to work strictly on my neck and upper back. I should be excited. I mean at least we're moving forward...right???? Forgive me for my sarcasm but I cannot seem to get my mind wrapped around it and I only have T minus 24hrs to get it that way. This is my dilemma....

My neck and back HURT, almost all the time. I would actually guess it's more like 99% of the time. It's a very difficult job to keep 'morale' up everyday and 'keep on truckin'. I don't have the ability to lay in bed all day and 'nurse' my wounds. It's not my style even if I did. I am a mom, first and foremost. It's what I do and I am still refusing to let all this define me or my children's childhood. I have such strong convictions about being a mom. I've been a working mom, I've been a stay at home mom. I've been an avid active mom and I've been a sick mom. One thing that hasn't changed through all of that is that they deserve the very best of me.

I know and realize with such strong certainty that there are so many in this world that have it far worse than I (and that thought is never far from my mind) but, with that said...IT FREAKIN' HURTS! The pain is intense and I'm telling you, it wears a person down. Sometimes I just want to scream...IT HURTS and BAD. You'll be glad to discover that I frequently refrain from screaming ;) I'm so sick of the pain and even sicker of no plan. Have I mentioned I NEED A PLAN?! :) Some might say, "Francis, isn't physical therapy a plan?" and I would say to that, "excellent question! But no, in this case, it doesn't feel like one". It feels like a 'we can't figure all this out yet so let's throw some physical therapy in there to see how that works...plan'. And I'm just not thrilled.

Physical Therapy is tons of work and let me just be the first to say, I'm not afraid of some hard work! I actually welcome it. If someone were to tell me "Francis if you tow this school bus over the Hathaway Bridge (a local bridge) using nothing but yourself and this rope, you will be cured of this pain" I would do it. In a heartbeat actually. Game on. I would train and train and train some more and figure out how to get that damn school bus across that damn bridge. It may hurt like the dickins' but if the end solution was guaranteed or even a strong likelihood that would be that I was better it would be more than worth it. So the work is not the problem. The problem is what the work brings....MORE PAIN! It hurts so bad. Physical Therapy makes it hurt so much worse with no promise or likelihood of a positive end result. So for the next 4-6 weeks it will not be hard to keep morale up, it will be like pulling teeth to keep morale up. I just cannot seem to get excited about that. If I were to be completely honest I would venture to say I'm dreading it.

Picture of the hathaway bridge so that you can completely have an acurrate visual image of the lengths I am willing to go to :)

Problem is...that's just not me. Dreading doesn't sit right with me, it's not comfortable. I need to be positive. I need to be 'up'. Not for my 3 readers out there (though I love you dearly) but for me. For my little darlings. I desire to show them how to fight the good fight. How to stay in the positive when everything in nature is dragging you down. I do allow them to see that sometimes that it's just tough (I don't want them to have any allusions of super woman, not that there's any chance of that right now). I allow them to see my vulnerability. Strictly because I don't want them to think I just breezed my way through this (no doubt of that lately :). I want them to understand you have to work to be where you want to be, even if what you want is just simply to stay positive. It seems like a silly goal and in all my life I would have never in a million years guessed that this is where I would be right now...trying to not loose hope. To not give in to what is starring me right in the face everyday. But hey, there's not much in this situation of mine that I would have guessed.

Maybe that's the way it's suppose to be. Actually I'm sure that's the way it should be. You shouldn't know what's ahead. Although, right now I would love to know if health is in my future and would be willing to pay most anything to some fortune teller to tell me that :) but again, I think it's best to not know. If I were to know right now that this struggle would go on and on and on and on and on, I can't even imagine what my outlook would be. I truly believe that my brain surgeon allowing me to have ideas of grandeur of returning to my running and spin schedule just a mere 6 weeks after surgery was the best thing he could of allowed me to believe. I laid on that operating table, not thinking about a year long plus recovery/journey, but thinking of feeling the wind on my face once again. Thinking of the unbelievable feeling of completely a tough run. It didn't take long, after surgery, to realize that that goal was a bit of a stretch, to say the least. About 30 maybe 45 seconds after I awoke from several hours of BRAIN SURGERY, I think I got the picture ;) After the fact, when I asked him about that promise he said simply, "Well, it was what you needed to believe". And he was right I did. I needed to believe that fact almost as much as I needed my brain tumor removed. It was essential to keep me going. It was essential to get me calmly on that operating table with no assistance of tranquilizers or restraints. It was crazy. It was a crazy idea. It was a looney tune idea. Yes, everyone, including him, thought I was NUTS but I needed to delude myself. Right now I could use some more delusion. ;)

I wish I was still that naive. I wish I had not realized the harsh reality so very many times. I wish I could still conjure up naive ideas of grandeur. Today, I only wish I could naively believe this physical therapy could and would cure it all. It's hard though, unbelievably hard. I don't even really know how to describe how hard. I know very well that in T minus about 36hrs I will be writhing in pain from the work that we did. I am as sure of that as I am that I have a right arm ;) Not because I'm thinking negatively but because I've been here and done this before.

I guess in some ways I haven't completely lost my positivity because the honest truth is that I do have hope. Hope that this will work. OK, no, not that this will work but that it will help. If I did not have that hope why in the world would I even go and torture myself. It's either that I have hope or have completely lost my mind ;) Which frankly...could be the case.

I am still very much in that BRING IT ON place with myself and this situation. I guess, again, if I'm honest it's a Ehhh...bring it on, I think, maybe?! :) How do get pumped up to hurt. If any of you know, please, clue me in on that ;)

I will persevere. I am going to get my mind wrapped around it in the next 24hrs (and counting). I will do this. And not hesitantly. I will throw myself into this like it's going to breathe life into this body of mine. In the next 24hrs I will somehow convince myself that this could and will work. It's the only way I know to go about things. If I can't do that, then why do it at all?!

I have 24 more hours to that...right?! ;)

This Brain Tumor Chick is heading back to the trenches and has to find the courage to jump in with both feet...YIKES! Stay tuned, the unfortunate adventures of this brain tumor chick continue.

Change, Change and "Did you hear?"...more change :)

Wednesday, 04 August 2010

I don't do well with change. I never have. It's not a secret and if it's is, it's one of the worst kept I've ever heard. Looking back that's one of the first characteristics about myself that I realized. From the time I was a very little girl. I avoid it at all costs. I ignore it, until it hits me smack in the face. Going on the assumption that maybe if I ignore the change, maybe it will somehow go away or I possibly won't notice it. A very intelligent assumption I know :)

I have stayed in all different kinds of situations (ranging from mundane to the most serious) for far too long just to avoid change. Silly. When I really stop and think about it. Life is just too short.
Change is inevitable. Being frightened or avoiding it complicates life completely. Life evolves. There is no stopping that. I'm not the girl I was at age 5. I'm not the girl I was at age 25. At 45 I doubt I'll be the girl I was at 30. We, human beings, evolve. We change because of situations, wisdom, idiocies or even for things completely out of our control...like tumors. Why couldn't I be scared of something like...Water Buffalo? They are not native to anywhere I have ever lived and I think I would have a much better chance of avoiding those :)

I have gotten much better over the years with change. We aren't BFF's, change and I, but we are definitely not enemies either. I just avoid him at all costs. The little bit of progress I have made has been hard fought. Facing junk you don't like is no fun and let's face it, those kinds of tasks usually get sent to the back burner. (I know you all didn't know any of this. Huge breakthrough I'm sure :)

I think that has been one of the hardest issues with my brain tumor and subsequent spine tumors. They have changed things. They have changed EVERYTHING! There's that awful word again, I feel like there should be scary movie music in the background. I can honestly say there is NOTHING in my life left untouched from all the changes.

I have been in a constant fight to regain my life. To right all the wrongs that have been out of my control. I'm spiraling. I'm spiraling farther and farther away from me, from the person I know as me and closer and closer to this person they call a 'Patient'! Oh the horror! (You should all gasp here) It has tortured me, this change. I have fought this transformation tooth and nail. I have fought the change. It's a losing battle and I hate losing.

I have mentioned more than once (who am I kidding more than a kagillion times) that I, Francis Brock Spann, the Brain Tumor Chick, want my life back. I want me back. I want the pre-brain tumor chick back. I have pleaded with my doctors, each and every time I have seen them, get me back...back to where I was, to the life I know so well. None of them have had the guts to utterly honest with me...that's it's just not possible...and I have to say I don't blame them one bit. I don't do well with people telling me I can't achieve something so it was probably best to just leave that one alone.

I've realized in the last few weeks...it's impossible. It came more to a head when I visited the Mayo this week. I saw a Physiologist. Someone who's going to help me 'live' more fully and eliminate some of the neck pain. It was there that I walked into an exam room to meet this new physician that I was very hopeful that he could 'fix' me. He was sitting there, up to the desk, in a wheel chair. Spinal injury. He had rigged the whole room to adjust to him. It was amazing. He went over my spinal tap results...ALL NEGATIVE! YAY! Then he got to the neck pain. He was so matter of fact. Cut to the chase. My kind of man, got right to the point. He said (in his awesome Jamaican accent) "you've got these tumors down your spine, not much can be done about that right now. You're having severe pain in your neck and numbness in the left arm and leg. I am going to help you fix the pain in your neck and we're going to get you off all these meds through hard work and stregthening. The numbness though, let go of that. It can't be fixed, at least not now. It could be from the tumors or it could be from the brain surgery. But you...you are doing good for all you've been through...let go of that." It was like...OK...alrighty then...I will. I LOVED HIM! My kind of Doc!

The things that I have wish for and worked hard for will NEVER happen. (There's another word I hate...never) I'm come to realize...that's ok. I cannot go back, no more so than I could go back to when I was 5 or when my children were babies. It is just a fact and as much as it's wonderful to think I can and I will, I believe those thoughts, those efforts, are now hindering me. I have taken the time to cry over this fact. I have morned the old life, the old me, and I'm done. I have been so completely consumed with getting back, back to my old life and the old me that I have hardly noticed this 'new' person emerging. A stronger, more confident person. More self aware and more controlled. I have hardly noticed the girl I have become. Taking a closer look, I'm kind of digging her. She kind of rocks!

I was reading recently, probably in some doctor's office and I came upon a quote. I had an epiphany. I've never had one of those before or not one I've been aware of. It's the only way to describe it. A realization that all this change is simply a part of this life. The quote was, "...one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation". Unbelievable. There it was. In black and white even, the words that pushed me through all that pointless morning of my old self. The words that pushed me into seeing that maybe all this change isn't a bad thing. Maybe there is a point to it all.

This knowledge, this understanding, as simple as it seems, has allowed me to take a step back and observe all the transformations that have taken place. How I have changed. The things that I continue to hope, change. For instance, I hope in a year from now I have changed again and evolved to be even stronger even wiser, both physically and mentally. It's allowed me to understand the things that won't change...ever. I am and will always be The Brain Tumor Chick (along with umpteen dozen spine tumors). It's always the things that you would love to change that you can't :) I will always be (gasp) a patient. It's a part of me. A part of this new life. I'm learning and I'm growing into these new shoes that are bigger than I am. Why this had to happen to me? I have not the slightest idea but nor do I care anymore. It is what it is and it's just that.

I have to adapt. I have to learn. I have accepted the new me and who I am. I will no longer allow myself to yearn for before. Before, doesn't exist anymore. I cannot attain it. Only in treasured memories. Like the kind you have from childhood. You cannot relive it or retrieve it, it's simply there, and a part of who you are. I have to figure this new me out, this new life. I have to give 'it' a chance to thrive. It's a thrilling idea. I feel like I'm at a starting point, the starting line and the possibilities are endless. Change no longer frightens me, not in a bad way. It's a frightening that's a rush, an opportunity, something you just have to do. I'm not a pro yet, but I say yet because I fully intend to change that.

Life is short and life is so sweet. I intend to embrace every day that I have. No two are alike and there's no telling what the next is going to bring for this Brain Tumor Chick but for the first time she is strong enough to say...BRING IT ON!

From The Diary of This Tumor Chick

I know it's been way too long since my last post. I've started this post so many times but could not finish. I didn't have the words. At that point I had just got diagnosed with ONE spinal bone tumor which the doctors here thought for sure was cancerous. It's been a couple of months now, hard to believe. This one, this fight, hasn't beat me, but it has sure enough kicked my butt. Maybe even a couple of times over. OK, umpteen dozen times over. I know it's crazy to say that this was worse than the brain tumor, but I think it was.

I've not been sick very much in my life. With the exception of a few minor (very minor) blips in the road I've been a very healthy girl. Always active, always moving and always pretty healthy. So when the brain tumor came along it was devastating. It was earth crushing. But...(there's that but) I was up for the fight. I was resilient. I was poised for the battle. When the spine tumor came up (along with the numbness in my left arm/foot) things were different, I was not any of those things. I was still very much at the bottom of the barrel as far as healing from the brain surgery. I was climbing, grasping, and clinging to ANY progress that could get me back to a place I call normal. I was still very much weakened by the fight.

Going into the doctor, initially, I knew an MRI was in store. My history, along with numbness, a doctor would have to be an idiot not to do an MRI. Of course I was nervous but in all honesty, I thought "there's no way, not again, not so soon"! So as I read the devastating words that proved my philosophy very wrong, I cannot even describe the crushing blow. It was as if someone took away any security I had for the future. Any hopes. Any dreams. Any progress I had made. Blew them right away in one single awful moment. Seriously, what the freaking hell!

Of course I went through the natural sadness I've become so acustomed to but this time I was just mad. Not mad at anyone or really anything. Just mad and so angry. I asked questions that I really didn't ask with Egore (brain tumor). Why? Not why me. Just why. Along with "Are you kidding me? Like really is this a joke?".

I wasn't myself, I'm not sure if I even am now. I cannot describe the amount of anger and despair that has run through these bones. Anger I have never known before. It's been days, weeks and even months of despair. I've held my head up the very best that I possibly could but mostly just for my kids. I've made little to no effort to do it for others. Not even family or the closest of friends knew how to reach out to me. They tried. Of course I put on a semi-happy face but they knew. They could see through it all. I've withdrawn, from life in general. I simply did not know how to just 'pick up' and go on with life. I've gone through the motions but that's about it.

A little back history...When I went in for the headaches in October 2009 (pre-knowing about Egore) the thing that struck the doctor as odd (OK there were a few things) was that I had little to no reflexes on my left side and didn't feel things very well over there either. These were symptoms I had not yet realized but came up during the exam. So although she did not expect to find a tumor, if there was one she was expecting it to be on the right side, which would explain the left side difference. So, when it showed the tumor on the left side everyone was pretty perplexed. Doctors at Mayo warned me that the neck pain (which I thought was associated with the head pain) and numbness (that I could not yet feel) on the left side may or may not resolve with brain surgery. That we may indeed still have to look into all that but the brain tumor had to come out then. I had begun having seizures, the symptoms were far from tolerable, it had to come out. I never thought much more about my neck or so called numbness. That is, not until the neck pain had become intolerable once again and I could actually feel the numbness.

The three weeks I had to wait, after getting initial diagnosis (of spinal tumor) was unimaginably horrid. Especially when you're told the worst. That was a war in and of itself not to go crazy waiting. I guess that was about a month ago that I finally went to the Mayo with all this. I got some wonderful news and some equally horrible news. It was like giving me hope and then snatching it all away.

The spinal tumor, which I have named Borus (yay JoAnn), was in fact benign. Awesome, oh so awesome news! But...(man I am hating the buts) there were tumors within the bone of every single vertebrae from T3 down. There's the horrible. To top it off they are completely inoperable. Not only because there are SO many but because getting to them, getting them out, could kill me. Nice. (very sarcastic) That's all I could say...nice. Any amount of positive thinking or will power that I had left was sucked right out of me at that point. So now the battle is how to treat them and if it's Borus causing the neck pain/numbness at all. Before we begin treating or not treating, depending on what we decide, we have to rule out everything else it could possibly be. Any unanswered questions the doctors have about possible causes must be answered. Words were uttered that I never ever thought I would hear. Things like MS disease. Things like Pain Management. I wanted to scream. Literally scream. "I DON'T WANT TO MANAGE MY PAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, I DON'T WANT TO PATCH IT WITH PILLS! I'M READY TO BE WELL!" I refrained. From yelling at least. I did tell him while sobbing that we just needed to figure this out. He is a typical man. Great doctor but typical man. His response was at first concern for my tears but then "I think there may be a little depression going on here too". I pointed at the computer screen that was on the table and displaying the awful pictures of my spine and said "ya think". Probably not my best moment but he at least got it. He changed his words to "I think maybe there is reason to cry". Again...ya think?! We made arrangements for the testing to begin and he once again assured me we were going to get to the bottom of all this. He promised he would return me to an active life again. I was tempted to ask for that promise in blood!

Which brings us to this last week. I spent most of last week back in Jacksonville (my second home) having tests done which included a spinal tap (YUCK!). I did great the day the 'tap' was done and thought I was in the clear for complications but of course (because at this point I kind of expect the complications) the next day the spinal headache, caused from extracting fluid from the spinal cord, set in. So I spent the next two days flat on my back doing anything I could from that position (which isn't much) to keep me from going stir crazy! Which by the way didn't work. This trip I took my oldest friend Ashley (known her since her birth, I'm 3 months older) which was fun. We were two crazy girls in that hotel room. She's a yoga instructor which came in oh so handy! We did some 'laying down' yoga. Which I know does not sound like much but really it was great and made me feel better.

On Friday, I finally got another spinal tap, this time to insert a blood patch so that I wouldn't leak anymore fluid. It immediately stops the headache by returning pressure to your head. I also saw another doctor attempting to lessen the pain and the medicine that I'm having to take to keep the pain at bay. I have no results from anything for 2 weeks this time. Of course. These tests have to be sent to their facilities in Minnesota.

So Ashley and I left Jacksonville. Without any answers, no results and a crazy painful back from two spinal taps within one week. Home to my babies. Home to snuggle them up. Home to pretend that mom is perfectly fine and didn't endure anything while gone from then. Pretending has become essential.

The intense pain is for now (thanks to many many pills, which I lovingly call my tranquilizers) at bay. Still there, but not near as bad. I can function, which let me tell you, is great progress. I need a plan. I need to know the solution. I need a map of what to do with all this. I am, by nature, not a planner. Probably the exact opposite. For most things I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, which drives some people CRAZY! I LOVE it. It is me. I work best under pressure. I'm a last minute girl and it works for me. So for me to say I need a plan is a little out of ordinary. I've always said "I can deal with anything, I just have to know what it is that I'm dealing with. Then I can make decisions accordingly". That has applied to every aspect of my life. Give me the status, the report on things, the truth and I will deal but I have to have the information first. Even with Egore, there was a plan. I got the details. I knew the risks and I made decisions accordingly. It was very cut and dry. It was scary as hell but I had a purpose, a goal, an end result in mind.

This time there is no plan. There are no details. Just a lot of unanswered questions. It is driving me nuts. I couldn't begin to tell you how much I desire to leave all this behind and return to life. I WANT TO BE WELL! More than anything in this world that's what I want.

I've had no words. No words to type. No words to say. No inspiration to share. No guidance to give. I didn't want to be told there was a purpose for all this. I didn't want to hear it was all going to be better. Not that all of your well wishes weren't appreciated so much but I just wanted to scream "WHEN?! WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE BETTER!"

I'm doing OK now. Not fully but a little better. The pain easing up has helped a lot. To say it's been hard would be a drastic understatement but the fighter in me is rising again. I can't say thank you enough for all your wonderful words of encouragement, thoughts and especially prayers. I don't always respond, there are days I just can't, but they don't go unrecognized or unread and they do touch me tremendously. Please keep them coming and pray for answers!

As of now, there is no death sentence but this tumor chick definitely feels like she's fighting for her life! A life without pain, a life without tumors...a simple life.

Fasting for Francis........

Hi Everyone it's Lois again :) This Sunday we are going to be Fasting for Francis (and her hubby & boys)! I wanted to invite everyone to join us. If you are not familiar with fasting or would like more info, here is a link to our church's website that explains fasting. One of the greatest things about fasting is that any denomination can do it. We (her family) are putting all our faith into this fast and we know that we will see miracles happen again! Thank you again (and again) for all of your prayers and love!!

Oh I'm Sick of These Types of Days

Tuesday, 18th of May 2010

It's my beautiful nieces birthday today, she's turning four and having a big girl party at the park. She was on my mind most of the day. I knew she was getting a bike this year and I yearned to be there to see her open it. I called my sister to see how the preparations were going after a quick run down she immediately asked had I heard anything yet. I told her that had to be good news, I mean my gosh the last time I received a call in less that 24hrs about the brain tumor. I assured her that I would just run up to the hospital and get the images and report myself just to put us all at ease. I have to wonder now are these decisions ever thought out? Evidently I just act.

A few minutes later I picked up Bray and headed over to the hospital to get all the info that I knew would give me a clean bill of health (at least as far as the spine goes) Robert works at the hospital and was on break so he sat with the kids while I ran in. In retrospect this was not a good idea. It's like they say hind sight is 20/20. I got the discs and the report and was walking back out to the car, I glanced down at the papers and saw words that were way too familiar. FINDINGS. Written across the very top, detailing how they had immediately forwarded to my doctor for immediate attention. Right there in the hallway I felt my knees weaken. I couldn't breathe. I was taking in air but it simply didn't feel as though my lungs were filling up. The tears were, once again, immediate. Luckily it was a ball cap kind of day and that shielded a lot of my panic and terror from public view. I had to stop once I got around the corner from the vehicle, moments after receiving a huge blow I had to suck it up. My kids were in the car (with my husband) waiting for my return. They could not see me like this. I picked up my cell and called Roberts and explained that I needed a few minutes that it wasn't good. I once again heard that audible gasp for air and a choked down sob. He then had to suck it up. He was stuck with the kids. His coworkers found me weak and pale they went and got Robert and stood with the kids so we could have a few minutes.

It was worse than we could have ever thought. Worse case scenario we thought we were looking a spinal meningioma, which would have been terrible in it's own right. But I know meningiomas, I am well researched, prepared, I know the course of treatment and I could be ready to battle that. I couldn't have been more wrong. This tumor is outside the spinal cord and inside the vertebrae of T3. That's right it's in the bone pressing on the spinal cord.

The radiologist diagnosises it as the rarest type of bone tumors. Upon further research I found that when it does occur it's usually in long bones such as legs, feet, and ribs. The few cases that have been found in vertebrae are so rare and have a significant increased chance to be malignant or cancerous.

I cannot even begin to describe the devastation I felt on this day, it surpasses all. It may even surpass D-Day #1. May 18th 2010 my second D-Day. I have yet to ask why but I'd be lying if I said I didn't ask how. How in the world do I have another seemly different tumor already. There are so many unanswered questions. I did by the way double check with my parents to make sure they didn't drop me in a vat of radiological goo or perhaps adopt me from a country where I had been dropped of at a nuclear waste dump but they quickly assured me that neither was true :) So it really is just 'What the hell'. How could this happen.

It feels different. I can't explain or justify that statement but to just say it feels different and not in a good way. I have NOT lost my optimism, it is still intact but I am not as strong as I was pre-brain surgery. I was just really getting into successful recovery. That concerns me. I was physically prepared for Egore. I was training prior to diagnosis, running, biking, kayaking and hiking. Things that I have only begun to be able to resume.

There's no other way to explain this day but as simple one of the saddest I have ever experienced. I'm 31yrs and 4days old. 31yrs old. How does this happen? Somehow my world managed to slip out from under me...again, but more harsh, so much more cruel. There are no words, there simply are none that could ever express the pain I felt on this day.

Robert obviously once again left work. There was no way I could possibly drive my children and myself home. I had wiped away as many tears as possible to hopefully shield the kids but my mind was shot. I was in auto pilot mode. It felt impossible to think or make rational decisions. I texted my 'essentials' this time. I know, I know that's harsh but I truly couldn't do it. I couldn't even begin the utter the words. Another mass...another battle.

Sometime on the way home Bray stated simply, "There's another one, isn't there". I couldn't help but die a little inside for my child and his unfortunate insight into a world I wish he didn't know. He reached out and held my hand without trying to get comfort from me but trying to give me comfort. How I got so lucky and blessed to have this child I have no idea, but in SO many ways he rocks! I tell him that there is and try to reassure him that we will battle this one just like the other. His only question is "Will this one be as bad". I wanted to tell him that this one was going to be a piece of cake. Not for myself, but for him. But I am no longer naive. I know too much, I know that this tumor world SUCKS!

The rest of the evening was spent in disbelief. Homework, dinner, showers and bed. The tasks seemed so mundane compared to the news we'd just been handed but at the very least kept me doing something. I couldn't even bring myself to call the Mayo yet. That would make it a little too real for that night. Complete reality could wait for the next day.

Could this be reality? This Brain Tumor Chick has yet another tumor!

And So This Journey Begins Again

Monday, 17th of May 2010

It's three days after my 31st Birthday and I find myself once again having an MRI done. This time it's the spine they are concentrating on. My particular kind of brain tumor feeds or grows of the Meninges or covering of the Brain and Spinal Cord so once you have one tumor you're at considerable risk for another in any area that has Meninges.

Having said that I've had pretty severe neck/back pain for some years but it only increases gradually and so your body just adjusts. It's never really slowed me down. Once the Brain Tumor was discovered in my naive mind I lumped all that pain together, the head and the neck. Surely a massive brain tumor can do all that ;) When the migraines slowly left after the brain surgery I knew that the neck pain wasn't far behind so I never gave it much more thought...that is until it hurt.

When, eventually, I didn't have a whole lot of feeling in my left hand, I figured it might just warrant a trip to the doctor. Hey I have my limits ;) Basically he said he thought it was an injury but (oh how I'm beginning to hate those buts) due to my history (aka. Egore the brain tumor) let's get an MRI.

I guess I didn't learn a whole lot from the first go around because once again I waited a couple of weeks to have it done. Seriously what is up with that. I cancelled a couple of times because the timing wasn't convenient, another time because I was sick and almost didn't go today. But I did. I was on the table, on the MRI tube table people for 3hrs. Take it from someone who's had umpteen dozen (yes I just said umpteen dozen, that's a lot, for those who don't know :) MRI's that is WAY too long. Did it alert me...heck no...I just thought those techs had NO clue what they were doing. I was more distressed about not being on time to pick Bray up from school. Didn't give it a whole lot more thought. Sure I was nervous, who wouldn't be, this road is altogether too familiar. To strike twice though, what are the odds of that, within a six month period. I wasn't too worked up over it.

This Brain Tumor Chick couldn't have been more wrong :(

Francis is Super Mom!!

Click on this link to see Francis the Super Mom!! Such a great story, thank you to WJHG for doing this about Frannie!! She is so deserving of this!! So great to see her, Robert and the boys, I wanted to kiss my computer screen. They are just so cute. :) Congrats to Bray and his wonderful essay. Very proud of you buddy!!

Lois

Thirty-Year Old 'Super Mom' Battles Brain Tumor

**Updated: So the link right above is to the written story, for the video you have to go www.wjhg.com and it's on the right hand side under the "Birthday Club" banner**